Testimony of Solange, 45, who tells of her difficulties in getting out of her depressive states ...
You had two episodes of depression and a suicide attempt. Can you tell us?
My first depression was ten years ago. The cause, I know it: my husband left me. We had been married for ten years and I was very in love ... then, the classic stroke, if I may say so, he left for another. I felt torn, abandoned. A nightmare !
For weeks and weeks, I was not sleeping. And I spent my nights imagining it with each other. I only thought about that. I felt guilty. I felt like nothing, ugly, finished. At first, my friends were present with me. They understood my pain. But it lasted too long. They ended up getting tired of hearing me always rehash the same things. I told them about my husband all the time. I must have been unbearable!
How did you get out?
My mother made an appointment for me at a doctor's office. He prescribed me antidepressants. Magic ! After a month, I was not the same. Really. I wanted to start all over again. I got a makeover, I went out. It was really good. I took my treatment for three months. And since I felt better, I stopped. I did not go back to the doctor. I felt healed.
And that's where you relapsed?
Yes. I felt like that for a few months. And then I started to think about my husband. I called him back. I started to harass him on the phone. Once again, I thought only of that. And there, I found myself alone. All alone to hate me. It was during the holidays. My son was with his father and his new companion. I could not stand this idea. I felt so betrayed, so useless.
One evening, I swallowed all the drugs I had at home. With all the alcohol I could eat. As a result, I ended up in the hospital with gastric lavage. Still no more. Humiliated. I felt dirty. That's where I met the psychiatrist who got me out of business.
What was the treatment?
I took antidepressants again. But there, I did not stop, and I saw this psychiatrist regularly. Twice a week. We did behavioral and cognitive therapy. It allowed me to understand how I reacted. My fear of abandonment, my feeling of guilt, this feeling of being zero.
I also had small exercises to do at home, with my entourage. As a game to play where I am confident and confident of myself. In fact, it is as if I had learned new behavioral reflexes.
And today, how are you?
Well ... I found my son, I work, I regained confidence. I remain vigilant because I know I'm more likely than someone else to go down again.
So, I continue to see a shrink. I do a lot of sports. And above all, I found a companion. When I was so bad, my girlfriends, those who still spoke to me, told me: "find someone ... go out! But when one is so bad about one's skin, one can not. No need, everyone is running away!
As soon as I started behavioral and cognitive therapy, I felt safer. It had to be seen from the outside. The fact is that I met someone and everything is fine today.
Sources and notes:
- Psychiatric management of a depressive episode isolated from the adult on an outpatient basis. Repository of self-evaluation practices in psychiatry. HAS, Gicipi. June 2005.
- P. Eisinger, Depressive Syndrome, AKOS Medical Treatise, 2008.
- Directorate for Research, Studies, Evaluation and Statistics (DREES), Antidepressant Sales between 1980 and 2001, Studies and Results No. 285, January 2004.