All Subjects Without Taboos

Differences in age: the testimony of José, 18 years old

For fifteen years, José lived the perfect love with Lili, a 19-year-old senior. She died in her arms, of a rupture of aneurism. Since then, José has managed to rebuild his life ...

How old were you when you met Lili?

Oh ! I was very young. I am 18 years old. She was 37. I met her at a friend's house. And I immediately fell in love with it. She was very beautiful, very feminine and very sweet. I was sitting in front of her during dinner at my friends' house. We spoke only to each other, as if we were alone. I absolutely did not think about his age. On all the subjects we were discussing, we agreed. The rest of the evening we spent talking together. And, in fact, we did not leave each other. I saw her again the next day. She had been married. She had no children. A few days later, I was sitting in his apartment. And it lasted for fifteen years in the greatest happiness.

What relationship did you have with your parents?

I left my family very early. I started working at 16 years old. Small jobs. I got along badly with my parents. My father was a brutal man. My mother was subject to it. I could not stand their very conflictual relationship.
When I moved in with Lili, I had almost no contact with my parents. They did not know anything about my life. My mother called me once in a while, at the end of the year, to get some news from me. My parents knew that I lived with Lili. They knew his age. But, we never really talked about it.

How did you live this age difference?

I never really asked myself that question. I did not care totally! It was Lili that I loved to adore the woman she was. I was proud that it was a woman and not a girl. First, at first, I think it was flattering to me. I was only 18 years old. I had some relationships before her, with girls my age, or just older. And finding myself, like that, loved a real woman, it flattered me a little. I was so proud of the love she carried me. We were fusional, both of us. Sexually, it was the perfect union. Intellectually too. She was the woman of my life.

This age difference was more embarrassing for her than you ...

She mostly started talking about this when she approached the menopausal period. I think it was very difficult for her. I was still very young. I think she does it a lot. She was less beautiful. She must have thought herself less desirable. She must be afraid of less than I please. But I did not see her growing old.
I think I did not know how to hear his suffering, compared to that. But, I loved her so much, that it also had to reassure her. When she died, she was 52 years old. One morning, brutally, on the stairs of the house, she called me: Kitty ... She called me that! Minou, I do not feel good. I arrived and she fell into my arms.

You are now married to a woman of your age. Do you often talk about Lili?

It's part of our life. When I met my wife, I was destroyed. I did not want to live without Lili. I wished to die. My wife helped me. She wanted our relationship and helped me rebuild. In fact, she was very soon pregnant ... But she knew I would still love Lili. She understood that. She respected that love, so much so that our daughter is named Lili in the middle name. And on every anniversary of Lili's death, my wife gives me a rose. Without saying anything. She is with us. I could not have made a life with someone who would not accept that.

The opinion of the psychiatrist

The opinion of Dr. Youssef Mourtada:

We can say that José found the ideal mother. He tells us that he is in conflict with his parents and especially with his mother, subject to a violent father. Lili is beautiful, intelligent and not submissive! She taught him a lot.
We can imagine that, in his childhood, José wanted to protect this too submissive mother. One can imagine that he wanted to take the place of this violent father. To take the place of him, like all children in oedipal period. But incest is forbidden.
So, at the age of man, finding a maternal substitute, like that, is ideal.

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